The goal in transitions is the right place at the right time for the right reason and in the right way. It’s a high bar. There are many unknowns and much could go wrong. As I thought about the many variables, I started to question my own perspective.
You or her friends?
It’s an easy trap to fall into. Your teen wants more independence and, for the most part, you want to give it. You don’t want to be the controlling parent that teens rebel against. She projects an air of responsibility and her friends seem pretty normal, so you let her have her space… And let’s face it —you’re tired.
You’re tired of fighting, tired of being labeled the “only one who doesn’t…” and sometimes, just plain tired.
Of course, the underlying conflict is that she wants independence at a rate that exceeds her desire or readiness for responsibility. But try to explain this correlation and her eyes roll back into her head as she thinks, “She doesn’t get it!” “She doesn’t understand or trust me!”
So, you finally relent and allow her peer culture to assume the authority role over her life.
It doesn’t feel that way at first and it certainly isn’t intentional, but it’s practically what happens. When you really stop to calculate where time is spent, and think about her primary sources of influence, it’s easy to feel like you’re letting go of the reigns sooner than you’d like, and sooner than you should.
What do you do? Continue Reading…