Healing Presence, Healthy Relationships, Marriage, Parenting, Spiritual Formation

Your Greatest Enemy In Conflict

July 1, 2014
love never fails

“Remember who the real enemy is.” It’s one of the most haunting lines from the second Hunger Games movie. Probably because the truth in that line hits us so profoundly. It bothers us how quickly and completely we can forget and allow our perception to become skewed the minute conflict strikes. Relationship Problems… Your spouse does something inconsiderate, but it’s not the first time. You’re hurt but you don’t want to say, “That hurt my feelings.” Instead, you speak harshly, emotionally withdraw, or both. The conflict escalates until the peacemaker in the relationship offers a repair attempt and then you’re back to normal. Like wheels that fall into ruts on a well-worn dirt path, your relationship probably has ruts that you naturally slide into when a conflict rises. The other day, Bonnie and I had a small “disruption,” and I chose the emotional withdrawal approach. As soon as we get…

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Spiritual Formation

3 Lost Words that Need to Be Recovered

June 20, 2014
growth words

I love words… There’s often a hidden world of meaning behind them just waiting to be discovered. For instance, enthusiasm means, “filled with God” while amusement means, “without mind.” Wealth and luxury are actually opposites rather than synonyms. Wealth means, “well being,” while luxury (luxus) means “dislocated.” Ambition means “going around,” and conveys the idea of feverishly striving for honor. It’s been viewed as a vice until only recently. Hazard comes from the Arabic al zahr, which means “the dice.” Here are 3 significant words related to growth that need to be recovered… Sensucht: Life’s longing, yearning, craving, or, in a deeper sense, intensely missing, “the well at the world’s end.” It’s a compound word, originating from an “ardent longing” and “addiction,” however the deep emotional sense of the word is hard to capture.  C.S. Lewis calls it “the inconsolable longing in the heart for we know not what.” Walt…

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Spiritual Formation

When Your Dreams Steal Your Joy

June 16, 2014
who am i

Go Big or Go Home! There’s a lot of encouragement to dream bigger, —stretch, reach, enlarge. But more important than the size of the dream is where it’s really coming from and why. Is your dream really God’s vision for you? Not all dreams bring life. The wrong dream rising from the wrong place will suffocate joy rather than create it. Click To Tweet For nine years my dream was to earn a Ph.D. in Hebrew Bible from Vanderbilt University and replace my mentor as the Chaplain at my alma mater, teaching in the Religion Department. Nothing could dissuade or sidetrack me. I spent a ridiculous amount of money, moved my family twice, and sacrificed almost everything for this dream. Eventually, the hard work paid off and I was admitted to the program. Here’s what’s so crazy —never once did I stop to ask God if my dream was His…

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Featured Posts, Spiritual Formation

How to Find the Secret Place of Joy

June 10, 2014

I was out of town last week, headed to an early morning meeting. I pulled off the exit hoping to find a place for a quick breakfast before I arrived. Panera Bread? Perfect. I know it’s going to be a good day —so I swing in, order a breakfast sandwich and coffee. While I’m waiting I notice the guy down the counter making my sandwich is dancing. He’s not just swaying to the music, this guy is laying down some pretty complicated moves. His feet, hips, his whole body is involved in this dance. His knife is a drum stick and my sandwich is his drum pad. 6:30 in the morning and here’s a young guy, wide awake, dancing hip hop to the sound of Panera’s sleepy elevator soundtrack. Quite an amusing picture. Then he brought me the sandwich and it made sense —he had little ear buds in. I…

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Featured Posts, Healthy Relationships, Parenting, Spiritual Formation

Who’s Really Your Teen’s Parent?

June 6, 2014
intentional parenting

You or her friends? It’s an easy trap to fall into. Your teen wants more independence and, for the most part, you want to give it. You don’t want to be the controlling parent that teens rebel against. She projects an air of responsibility and her friends seem pretty normal, so you let her have her space… And let’s face it —you’re tired. You’re tired of fighting, tired of being labeled the “only one who doesn’t…” and sometimes, just plain tired. Of course, the underlying conflict is that she wants independence at a rate that exceeds her desire or readiness for responsibility. But try to explain this correlation and her eyes roll back into her head as she thinks, “She doesn’t get it!” “She doesn’t understand or trust me!” So, you finally relent and allow her peer culture to assume the authority role over her life. It doesn’t feel that…

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